Unanswered Questions

      As a trying time comes to a close, I cannot help but wonder if I have truly overcome certain aspects of my depression. It seems to have calmed down for now. But something I wonder is this: Have I really beat this part of my depression or is it merely being suppressed? Is it the calm before the storm? I may have a regular mood for now but I can feel my depression just beneath the thin veil of my subconsciousness. I fear that it may only be dormant for now. I must use this time to move forward with my life. If my depression breaks free again, I know that it will paralyze me. It is a beast that I have not been able to tame. A beast that has repeatedly threatened my life. It is an established fact that we as humans have a lot less control than we think. We can even fall victim to our own minds. This is why we need a savior. My only tangible hope is to rely on Jesus and that is what I'm going to do. Depression has already proven to me that I can't rely on myself for salvation. My own sorrows brought me to my knees and to the brink of death. I have looked everywhere, desperate to find comfort and happiness. There is still that hole in my heart, that part of me that craves companionship. I believe this will never truly go away until it is satisfied. I must rely on God to give me a mate. Nothing has scared me more because then I wonder, 'What if God doesn't want me to have a wife? What if I'm destined to be single forever?' If I allow myself to dwell on these thoughts, then it is a guarantee that my depression will break free once more. My depression isn't over yet. I know that in my heart. Depression won't be the only thing that will break free. Anger, Jealousy, bitterness, and loneliness would come out as well. Satan definitely knows my weaknesses and he will no doubt exploit them. By myself, I am weak but with God, I can overcome anything. The future is very uncertain. I must take it one step at a time.