Don't you hate it when you make so many plans to keep busy that you think that it can't possibly fail and then all your plans fall through? Yep. That happened to me. Now of course it's a bummer to see plans go awry but you gotta stay positive. When plans don't work, then it gets very tempting to sit around and that is something I cannot and will not do because that is just giving my depression an opportunity to sink in. It starts off with boredom, and then the negative feelings come. It starts a one small negative thought and then it quickly snowballs into quite a breakdown if I let it. I fear that there's an uneventful week ahead of me. I'll just use this time to learn patience and wait on the Lord.
Old grudges and resentments have been boiling up as of late and one in particular is very hard to beat back down because I see it as the biggest insult and hurt I have ever experienced. Something I was helpless to defend against. This particular resentment has affected me my whole life. You may ask me if you're curious but it is too sensitive to put into this blog. This is one of those instances where you really need to pray for the strength to forgive. Forgiveness is a choice and it takes a lot of willpower to forgive a gigantic hurt/insult. I have confidence that I will overcome it eventually with the Lord's help but for now.... It just causes me so much rage and grief. I will continue to fight.
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