It's time to move on and leave behind any links to my past. This is getting ridiculous. I feel so rejected and insulted. I now know who deserves to be in my life and who doesn't. I've been indirectly called a coward by one of my friends for going through depression. This is the most false, idiotic statement I've ever heard in my life. nearly EVERYONE goes through depression to some degree at a point in their lives. Some worse than others. Even many bible heroes went through severe depression. Does this make them cowards? NO! It makes them human! Sure, depression is the result of reactions to various situations in life but it's that person's responsibility to fight through it. I am fighting it. Sure, I've felt sorry for myself but I fight off these feelings. Depression makes you strong. God can use your situation to completely change your character. Yes, some people do look to suicide but it takes a TON of courage to let someone, anyone know that you're thinking of suicide. I let my family know and I don't regret telling them at all. I've dealt with many suicidal situations and here I am today. I am alive. I am a suicide survivor. Suicide has left it's mark on me physically and emotionally but I take this as a way to show how strong my willpower is.
Many people do not understand or know how to deal with people going through severe, clinical depression. I've been called weak, a coward, and someone who gives in all the time. I spit on the people who called me that. They are the ignorant ones. I do not feel sorry for myself. We all have our demons and trials. Mine in this stage of my life is depression. It's a cross I will bear willingly and I will seek the appropriate help to overcome it. Those people who have called me such false things have no place in my life. I supported them through their troubles but they did not come through for me. This proves that the only person you can truly depend on is Christ. He is unchanging and there is nothing you can do to make Him love you any more or any less. Yes, you will stumble. Yes, you will sin but it is Christ who picks you up and forgives you and tells you to keep going until the end. I refuse to become ignorant and hard-hearted like those people. I am determined to become more Christ-like and to have a servant's heart. I have a long way to go but I will walk the path that God has laid out for me and I will not look back. God knows what is best for me and I must submit to him. I admit that my own pride and fear has held me back many times but something that you have to do is continually pray and say that you submit to His will despite your flesh screaming for you to go your own way. He is the way, the truth, and the light
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