Hanging Slowly

     This week has been the most trying time of the year for me. Depression and negative thoughts constantly bombard my mind if I'm not busy. It's extremely exhausting.  Lately, I've been extremely angry and fed up. I'm so angry nothing good seems to be happening.  My patience has expired. I was so angry and in tears last night that I took a sleeping pill and went to bed around eight. I thought a good night's sleep would refresh me but it did the complete opposite. I woke up every hour with my heart racing and in tears. I also had the same nightmare every hour. It's of someone dangling the possibility of a relationship in front of me and taunting me saying, 'YOU CAN'T HAVE THIS!' It's maddening. I got so angry that I didn't even want to talk with God. I felt like He was just a bystander and refused to help me. Not even 2 hours ago, I was in tears and praying. It went something like this, "Lord, I am extremely angry and sad. My heart has a huge hole and my patience has run out. I know I shouldn't be angry with you. I submit to you because I can't control this. How much longer must I be in constant pain?" I got an answer literally right after I asked. The response was like a whisper inside my head yet it was very clear: "Just a little while longer. Hang on." That calmed me down a bit. I see many of my friends in relationships and happy. I just want a girl for me and I want to be happy too. I'm doing my best to have things to look forward to next week. I've made plans to catch up with my friend whom I haven't seen since front range last year so I hope that works out.  I just wanna be with many friends as possible so I'm not by myself.