Laments

       I hurt. A lot. I'm so angry. I want to stop feeling lonely. More than that I want it resolved. I feel like I completely failed with my last attempt at a relationship. I can't shake it. It's not fair that this is happening. I should be married by now. It shouldn't hurt for this long. Why am I not over it?!?! Is there something wrong with me?? I either want my romantic feelings for her to go away forever or to be fulfilled. I highly doubt they're gonna be fulfilled so I just want them gone. It was a mistake to fall in love with her. A huge mistake. All I got was rejected, humiliated, and deep, sharp pain that stays with me to this day. Whoever said 'it gets better' has no idea what they're talking about. It's not getting better. In fact, I feel like it gets either worse or stays the same. My head hurts so bad. I'm just so fed up that I wanna punch a wall. I won't kill myself. I'm so angry that at this point, I'll do anything to get into  a relationship. I'm sick and tired of waiting. This isn't normal. I just want to be accepted and get back to how life used to be.