"Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is a person's way of telling God 'You can't fire me I quit.'" I stumbled on this quote while researching statistics for rates of suicide in the united states. This quote got me thinking. Although a suicidal person may not realize it themselves, suicide is a very selfish act and it is not in accordance with God's will. I found it interesting that Colorado has one of the highest rates of suicide in the U.S and in 2009, suicide rates were at their highest in twenty years. According to the Denver post, suicide rates go up when the economy goes down so this makes sense. What baffled me is why Colorado has such a high suicide rate. The reasons are quite numerous so I will post a link here: http://www.denverpost.com/opinion/ci_16096291
Now these are opinions and speculations on why Colorado has such a high suicide rate but some of them do make sense. Part of what contributed to my attempting suicide is that I refused to get help because I always took care of my own emotional problems. What I realized is I never even dealt with my emotional problems because I shoved them deep into my subconscious. The dam was bound to break at some point. Statistics also say that men use more violent means of suicide than do women. However, women attempt suicide twice as much as men do. I definitely used violent means. I tried stabbing myself and slitting my wrists. I even thought of finding a gun at one point. Do not let this scare you because I have got these feelings quite under control now and I have learned quite a lot. I am merely comparing my experiences to statistics.
All people who are suicidal usually do not want to die. They just want the pain to stop. For me, it was an impulse to do anything possible to stop the pain. I eventually found that nothing on earth could sustain me. A suicidal person is desperate for hope. The only true hope I have found is Jesus. He has sustained me to this day and he will not abandon me. I felt abandoned by everyone and the entire world looked like a dark and hopeless place to me. I often prayed and screamed out loud while crying for God to kill me. These are very painful memories for me but I must get them out as a warning to other people. Extreme distress and emotional pain will definitely distort one's thinking. It was like every time I tried to have a positive thought, it was slapped a way by ten more negative thoughts. It's extremely frightening because I found that I couldn't stop the negative thoughts from entering my mind. I was deeply conflicted about dying. I was tired of living but scared of dying. I was scared about what God would do to me. Would I go to hell? I still believed back then in Jesus but.... it does trouble me to think about this.
According to the book 'Happiness Is A Choice" a suicidal death occurs every twenty minutes. In the entire world, suicide rates are increasing. Five hundred thousand deaths from suicide are being reported annually! A suicidal person most likely gives someone else a hint of their intentions. I came right out and said it to my best friend. She was the only one in the world who knew. If it wasn't for her insistence on me telling my family then I would be dead. Of any ten people who have committed suicide, eight have given definite warning. Unfortunately, many people do not know how to handle or approach a suicidal person. Here are some tips. Do NOT belittle their situation. This will definitely make them feel even worse. You must be loving but firm. Get help immediately. Even if you have to take the person to the emergency room. I know I went there. I was looking at all the warning signs that suicidal people give and I was shocked to see that I fit the bill perfectly. The only difference is that I made my intentions clear more secretively. I wrote them all down in my journal. Before one of my attempts. I texted some of my friends to say goodbye. I cringe to think of what they went through and felt after reading those texts. After I sent a text, I got a call literally five seconds later. I'm lucky to have friends like that. After a first suicide attempt, it can get to be somewhat addictive. My desire and determination to die only increased. I t took a huge turnaround in my thinking to change. Depression affects and hurts nearly everyone at some point. Suicide absolutely destroys the people left behind. My whole family was in an uproar. Not just my immediate family, but my extended family as well and I have a huge family. The bottom line is this: Do not stand by while someone is suicidal. Get help immediately. There are alternatives to suicide.
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