I have grown quite weary and exhausted as of late. Loneliness gnaws at me daily. I know I must give all my burdens to the Lord but I am so scared. I don't want to be lonely for the rest of my life and quite honestly, I'm having trouble trusting the Lord with this particular burden. I know it's prideful and stubbornness on my part but I can't help but worry that what if God's plan for me doesn't include a wife? This though makes me quake in my boots. I was listening to a sermon on the radio today about trusting the Lord with your burdens and I just burst into tears and started shaking like crazy I'm so angry at myself because I'm having so much trouble trusting Him with every aspect of my life. I shouldn't be this way and I am ashamed. It just hurts a lot. My instinct is to suppress and bury all my worries and troubles into my subconscious but that won't solve anything.
I feel so heavy. I'm doing my best to keep my head up but it's so hard when you feel so alone. It's just me and my thoughts. I will continue to endure as long as I breathe but I am starting to get to the end of my rope. I have started to feel weak-willed. Fighting automatic negative thoughts every day is so exhausting. I pray three simple words now. 'I need help'. Sometimes I don't even know what else to pray because I'm so ashamed of withholding some of my burdens from God. I don't know how to let go of them. I've had a death grip on them for years and fear has been growing inside of me. I just have to keep on praying because nobody else has the power to help me. This is beyond my control.
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