Obscurity Returns

       I feel myself slipping back into sadness and depression. The start of a new week for me means loneliness and isolation. It's so hard to think straight when you view the world with sadness and it seems so dark. All my plans from last week collapsed and left me extremely disappointed. The only constant and the only person there for me everyday is Jesus. It sounds cliche but it's true and I feel it. I pray to him two or more times daily. He may not answer my prayers immediately but I know he reveals the answers in due time. Honestly, I'm just glad He answers me. He may not tell me what I always want to hear but His answers have a certainty to them. He is the only thing that is absolute in life. I'm the kind of person who defines things clearly. Like for example: Lying is wrong, telling the truth is right. I try to see the world as clear-cut and black and white as often as possible because I hate it when there's not a clear, precise answer. That is why I hate politics. Debates on  rage on in our country about issues like homosexuality, abortion, etc. The bible is the perfect moral compass and for me, the answers to those issues are clear. I don't identify myself as democrat or republican because there's strengths and weaknesses on both sides.
     Nobody wants to be alone. everyone wants to be accepted. Loneliness is one of those feelings where you feel exposed, left out in the open. It's eerily silent and dark. Memories of my friends laughing echo in my mind and it makes me crave their company. My family tells me that I can't depend on other people for happiness. I try not to but the longer I stay alone, the more intense the feeling gets. Time seems to slow down and I'm forced to endure every painful moment of unwanted solitude. There were times in the past when this feeling would be so intense and overwhelming that I would do anything to make it stop. Even if that meant ending my own life. To give up hope is to promote despair and attract death. That is something I refuse to do. My faith is stronger than ever and even in my pain, the Lord blesses me with new friends. It helps to soothe old hurts. My purpose in this life is to show others what it's like to follow Jesus. Yes, I will stumble but Jesus will always pick me back up. I pray for those who are suffering the pain of depression and other great trials and losses. I hear all the time on the radio how people lose their spouse and children to cancer or in an accident and I am just amazed how they continue to keep pushing forward. I can only imagine what a loss like that would be like. Life is really obscure and foggy for me right now but i know Jesus will take me by my hand and lead me through it. I don't just want to be an example for others. I want people to find the hope that I have in Christ.