Today, I have seen what few hopes and aspirations I had disintegrate into nothing. This has only served to further break my heart and the world now seems even darker. I had my eye on a few girls whom I was interested in only to learn that they're all in relationships. My heart felt like it stopped beating for a moment. The only thing I could think of was, 'I knew this would happen.' My instinct is to withdraw from the world and keep to myself. Much like how I have the habit of keeping my feelings a secret and suppressing them. I feel thwarted in everything I try and do. Once I learned of these relationships these girls are in, I immediately said to myself, 'There is no happiness to be found here. I'm not good enough. Nobody wants me.' It's such a shock and so painful that I'm considering blocking it out. I don't know how else to cope with the pain.
I have once again been let down. It feels like history is repeating itself and this really is my own personal hell. I don't know what else to say. I'm speechless. The journey through the dark just got much harder. It's as if the faint light went out and now I'm in utter darkness
I've been reading your updates Alex. Man, I dont really know what to say. Besides its incredible you can keep your eyes on the Lord. As for this update, I know how it feels to be hoping for one thing and then you get the opposite and it absolutely crushes your heart. Hold on to the fact that God is good. I don't think that he necessarily wills us to go through pain, but it happens and he knows and he is there with you the whole time. Good stuff. God Bless Alex, and I pray peace and comfort over you now.
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