Today was nothing short of amazing. I have reached a breakthrough in my psych therapy. I have learned why my suicidal thoughts come up as often as they do and I have the knowledge on how to resist them. My therapist told me that since I have been suicidal so many times, it became my mind's default mode to escape whenever a large amount of pain afflicts me. I have to train my mind to fight these thoughts and reason with them. In addition to arguing to myself, I personally have added preaching scripture to myself as well. Where there is Jesus, there is always hope. These suicidal thoughts will eventually go away but since I've been this way on and off for more than a year now, it's definitely going to take a long time. A tough road is ahead but I have the will and the strength to trod it.
Unfortunately, I have learned that I have some permanent emotional damage. I was crushed when I heard this and I was also angry. It goes back all the way to my very early childhood and this has to do with my resentment. The good thing is that I can learn to cope with it and lessen the pain by learning some new coping techniques which my therapist will teach me in a few weeks. I am not out of the woods yet but at least I have direction and a way out. I just have to go for it!
No comments:
Post a Comment