Sorrow Returns

      Last night was a sleepless night. I constantly feel on the verge of tears. I still feel so lonely and extremely unhappy. Why is this? I feel like I'm back in a rut and I'm wondering if I'll ever overcome this. I still feel sad even when good things happen to me. I guess I just feel emotionally exhausted and scarred. I still boil over with anger and tears because of resentment. That quickly drains my emotional reserves. I feel vulnerable in a way I haven't felt for a long time. At least since February. I have no energy and yet I know I must keep moving. I've once again lost interest in things that used to entertain me. My guess is that this is another wave of severe depression because it feels like it did before. Dark, hopeless, and full of pain. I also think it's because Easter's coming up. I still get really depressed whenever a holiday comes by. I guess it's because I want to have someone over with me.
     Life is definitely not good right now. Is this what life is? Am I to struggle with extreme sadness for the rest of my life? I just want to be happy and content but those two things are the most illusive for me. It's such a heavy burden on my mind. I can feel the tension. It's as if my skull is pushing against my brain. The only options I can think of for now is to keep busy and be near people. I feel like I constantly have to hide what I feel because some of my family gets frustrated when I feel this way. This is also another reason why I stuff my feelings deep down. It's so I won't bring unwanted attention to myself. I only tell a few select friends how I truly feel. This helps me to vent and in turn I tell them that they can tell me anything they feel as well so they won't feel so burdened. It's a good system and it really helps. The bible also helps. I know Easter should be a happy time but I can't help but feel extremely lonely and sad. Once you get trapped in this pit then it's difficult to get out. But I will still keep moving forward. Whether it be in the good times or bad and I will seek help where and when it is needed. I just gotta keep praising God through the good times and the bad times.