Shattered Hope

    I'm pretty sure that at this point, I'm meant to be alone. Rejected again. I thought I could handle it but apparently I was wrong. Depression is far from over. In fact, it's worse now. I hurt so bad that I feel like I'm in disbelief and shock. It feels like a light was just put out in my heart. My hope of being with someone is dead. I see nothing positive in the future. Nothing but darkness and pain. I feel ashamed by just writing this. I feel so pathetic and unattractive. I'm so angry. I'm defeated at every single damn thing I do. I feel like I'm right back at where I began. It's almost as if hope was just an illusion. I'm at my wit's end.
      A few really seemingly good days and then I crash and burn.It feels like it's a huge joke. I don't think that I'm even gonna bother pursuing anyone anymore. It hurts too much. So much that I'm bawling my eyes out as I write this. I don't see a way out. I don't see how it's possible that any of my hopes and dreams will come true. It's all just been one huge fantasy. It's intangible. I'm completely overwhelmed with sadness, anger, and despair. I feel cheated. I think I'm just gonna go to sleep because I want the day to end. Actually I want the week to end. I no longer have anything to look forward to.