My mood has been so much like a roller coaster as of late. Even when I'm happy, I know that depression will return; that it's waiting just beneath the surface. Being alone and single hurts but the thing is, you have to know when to restrain yourself. When you're depressed, that takes a ton of willpower. Recently, I have been getting close to an old co-worker of mine. I used to work with her at Goodwill. We just clicked immediately when we met. She's like a perfect reflection of myself. We know each others deepest and darkest secrets, worries and fears. We are currently almost at the point where we're in a relationship. She's depressed and so am I. For the good of both of us, we have decided to hold off on a relationship until we both are better. I have helped her reach the Lord and that has definitely helped her and it has lifted my spirits as well. I praise God for blessing me with such a close and wonderful friend. We are completely honest with each other. My old wound from my last attempt at a relationship is finally starting to heal. I am still very careful and I maintain all the self-discipline I can muster so that I don't make the mistake of emotionally investing too much in someone.
I don't love my friend (my old co-worker) romantically and this actually concerned me. I went to ask for advice from another close friend of mine since I don't have any experience. She told me that in a relationship, love develops over time. This put my mind at ease. I am still frustrated because I know that I am not yet ready for a relationship but I want to be in one so bad. I have to restrain myself because if I'm not careful, I could easily be driven into despair if I go into a relationship the way I am now. If we were in a relationship now then all we'd be doing is feeding each others depression and that is no way to start a relationship. So I must wait.
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