One thing is definitely clear. Without hope and faith during depression, you will just plunge deeper and deeper into pain and sorrow. Is it always easy to have faith? No of course not. It definitely does matter on whom or what you put your faith in. I put my faith and trust in Jesus Christ and no one else. If you put your faith in anything else then you will be let down. I guarantee it. I put my faith in finding a spouse in the past and I was let down. Hard. It still hurts a LOT to this day so I have chosen to block it out until I can learn how to cope and deal with it. Everything in my life that I have tried to control has either failed or let me down. I think this is God's way of teaching me to depend and trust in only Him. I still have a lot to learn because something I've discovered is that patience is an integral part of trusting God. This is one of my weaknesses because I want the pain to end NOW and I want a spouse NOW. But that is not how things work. I have to focus on myself.
I will grow in faith and I will pray that God helps me with my inward battles. Even if I cant fully comprehend what's bothering me, God knows. Dealing with resentment and forgiveness can be difficult. It can be especially difficult to deal with if you perceive the offense as the largest you've ever experienced. If you know me well, you may ask me what this resentment is centered on. I've struggled with it for the majority of my life. It's so hard to even pray about because I can't find the words to pray and then I burst into tears. It's just been unbelievably painful. I am reminded of it every day and will remain with me until the day I die. It often enrages me and my breathing becomes noticeably heavier. Even when I'm driving, I'll start gripping the wheel in frustration and anger. I know that God is fully able to relieve me of this burden but it's just hard not knowing when. It has given severe trust issues. I consider the offense very serious and a complete breach of boundaries and trust. Why must this particular issue affect me so much and what purpose does it serve in my life? I haven't the foggiest idea but one thing I do know is that I have to get it resolved because if I don't, it will eat me alive and harden my heart. I've always thought of myself as a forgiving person but maybe I am wrong. Maybe that is yet another one of my weaknesses. If so, then it is definitely something I must practice to grow stronger. I have been in depression for so long that I have often thought to myself, 'this is life. Life is pain.' Jesus never promises an easy life. In fact, He tells us the opposite. Just because life is hard, it doesn't mean that you have to go through it alone. Jesus is there to help us and our reward for enduring shall be great. Spreading the joy of the gospel to others easily makes me feel fulfilled. I could care less about being rich and making it to the top. Everything you gain in this life will be lost once you die. Deeds are important but it's not what gets you into heaven. Confessing your sins and putting your faith in Gods only begotten son Jesus Christ is what gets you into heaven. It definitely requires humility to accept that you are a sinner. Remember, God does not compare us to other people. He compares us to Himself and He is perfect. If you think that you can get into heaven by deeds alone then you will be making a fatal mistake. A mistake that you will pay for eternity. If you wished to be judged by deeds, then that's how God will judge you. You would have to be perfect to pass and only one person in the history of time has been perfect and his name is Jesus Christ. He offers you the free gift of eternal life. I say that that's a pretty good deal. Not only that, but you'll be with your creator! He loves you with a love that we as human beings cannot comprehend.
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