Genesis 2:18

       'The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.' Genesis 2:18. I think about this verse every day and it is also the first lesson in my devotional which I just received in the mail today. The way I see it, the only way I am going to heal is if I change my perspective. This is particularly difficult for me to do because if I do this, then I feel like I'm giving up any chance of finding a spouse. I am not going to block this out because that ultimately makes it worse. Now as for the verse, I always interpreted it as meaning that man and woman were made for each other so I naturally assumed that I would get married and that it is a must. It still is a must but my devotional had an interesting take on this verse. You have to take Adam's situation into account. He was the only human being on earth at that time so he was truly alone. As human beings, we have a need to connect with each other and this is perfectly normal. I don't think it is sinful at all because I believe this is an attribute that God gave to man even before the fall. The need to be with one another and to find a spouse is not sinful in and of itself, but it can easily become sinful if you put it above everything else including God. This is idolatry which I admit I have been guilty of. I am not afraid to admit this because every person who has ever lived has broken the commandments (except Jesus). I put Christ first in my life and I trust Him to lead me to the right woman for me. That doesn't mean that I'm not scared because I totally am. I want the hurt to stop NOW and I want a girlfriend NOW but that's not how life works. People have told me that it has to happen naturally. You can't force it. I actually do not understand this one bit because I have friends who get into relationships so easily and casually. There is nothing 'natural' about that to me.
       I think this devotional will prove to be very beneficial to me and it's how I'm attacking my depression. The more pain I feel, the closer I am to uprooting the issue. I expect much pain in the future. Nothing beneficial in this world is gained without pain. I am still very unsure as how to fill the hole in my heart but I have confidence that God will reveal it to me in time. Up until last week, I had always thought that the only way to stop the pain and emptiness was to get a spouse. Thinking logically, this cannot be because then that makes your happiness completely dependent on your spouse. I need to learn how to completely depend on God so that way I can handle a relationship. As of today, I begin learning how to do that.