The Psychology Behind Suicide

       Suicide is a very grim affair. I never understood how people could want to take their own lives. Now, it is easy for me to understand. Life can bring you to your knees if you let it. The core of my depression has not been extinguished and it can easily lead me down that dark path. I am too scared to face it so I do whatever I can to block it out and ignore it. Thinking of suicide doesn't just affect the mind. It has repercussions for the body as well. Whenever a suicidal thought would enter my mind, I lost touch with reality and I couldn't hear anything else but my own thoughts. I would stand perfectly still, unable to move.Suicidal thoughts open the floodgate for a whole horde of awful memories, feelings, and emotions. Since I've had past experience with suicide, it only makes it all the more painful. I always start to breathe shallow, quick breaths and tears stream down my cheeks. Every other solution appears to be irrational in my eyes. When you can't find a solution to your problem/s, you start to panic and look for a way out. The problems become more and more painful and unbearable over time. Add resentment to the mix and you have a deadly cocktail which if it isn't cured soon, can be deadly. Pride, denial and shame kept me from seeking help as long as I did. It took one of my friends to help me realize that I was simply unable to help or take care of myself.
       Being suicidal is the worst feeling I have ever experienced and I daresay that it is the worst thing that you can feel. When your mind gets hooked on being suicidal, there is no hope. Only death and a strong desire to make the pain stop. No matter the cost. The world appears to be this empty, cruel and hollow place when you are thinking of suicide. There is hope, however. Even if you are too blind from despair to see it. Seek out help and support from friends, family, and God. This trinity is the only thing that has kept me from giving in. God provides for me and subtly gives me hope by having me experience new situations. As long as you're alive, there is always hope.