It has become clear to me in the past week that It is no longer an option for me to stay in the Evangelical tradition. I have been doing extensive research for the past few years and it has only intensified in the past few months. I feel God pulling me in the direction of Eastern Orthodoxy. As I have been talking with Fathers Stephan and David, they pointed out to me that I am already Orthodox in my theology and heart. I have not made a final decision as of yet but I am real close. I know that I want a sacramental and liturgical worship. The only question is which tradition?
I have considered multiple traditions inside Protestantism and tradition outside Protestantism. First was Episcopalian. I rejected this because Episcopalians have largely liberalized, change their theology and introduced teachings contrary to Christianity. Next I considered Anglicanism. I rejected this as well because one, there are no Anglican churches in my area and two, because they don't have a clear line of apostolic succession. Next, I considered Roman Catholicism. I rejected this for a few reasons. First and foremost before I say anything, this is not meant as bashing of traditions. A lot of my family on my mom's side are Italian Roman Catholic and I do not doubt their sincerity nor their faith and there are actually some doctrines that I share with Roman Catholics. This is simply what I have found in my research and what I have been convicted by. The first reason I rejected Catholicism as a possibility is first and foremost the authority of the Pope. I disagree with the Pope for different reasons than Protestants do. While I acknowledge the Pope as a bishop in succession of Saint Peter and as a leader of the Roman Church, I do not recognize his universal claim over all the sees of all of the other apostles. I consider him the first among equals among the other bishops but this is a moot point since the Roman Church split from communion with Eastern Orthodoxy a thousand years ago. I also rejected Catholicism due to the rising corruption of the church in the high medieval ages. Now this does not fully represent Catholicism today but it was a factor in my decision. And finally, I rejected Catholicism due to it's innovations in it's theology such as the Immaculate Conception, Infallibility of the Pope, Assumption of Mary, etc. I do not think that Roman Catholics are heretics as many protestants do. I see hope for the future and pray for the unity of the church. Pope Francis and Ecumenical Patriarch Bartholomew 1 are in dialogue for the first time in nearly one thousand years. This is a positive step. I admire Pope Francis' Ecumenism across denominations.
A dilemma I had coming out of high school and into my twenties was seeing the how many Protestant denominations there are and why. It ultimately comes down to a disdain and rejection of authority. I understand the protestant position because I grew up in it and I believed it. The abuses from medieval Catholicism left a bad taste in many reformers' mouths and they had legitimate grievances. However, if Catholicism is charged with adding to the faith, then Protestantism can be accused of taking away from the faith. I find the doctrine of Sola Scriptura (Scripture alone) to be untenable. In an old catholic adage, 'Every man becomes his own pope'. I will not go in to detail here because this post is not meant to be a theological debate. Suffice it to say that holy Tradition has always been a part of the church from it's beginning. Sola Scriptura is the reason why we see such disunity with the Protestant movement. 30,000 denominations and counting! If each believer truly has the authority to interpret scripture how he may, then why don't two people ever agree? 'Truth divides' is not an efficient answer for me. Jesus prays for the unity of ALL believers. Paul also says that the church is the pillar of truth; something that I see many protestants not putting in to effect. You can't have the Bible without Holy Tradition. Saints Paul and Jude make liberal use of rabbinical tradition and Paul exhorts us multiple times in his letters to 'hold fast to the tradition handed down to you; whether by epistle or word of mouth.'
As I tried attending different Protestant churches, I noticed a pattern. They seem to hold the bible up almost as an idol and claim that God only saves through the bible. If this is true, then what of those without the bible in the world? what of the church before our modern bible was compiled and ratified by the ecumenical councils? (which is also tradition by the way). God is not confined to the bible. The bible is a centerpiece to our faith, absolutely. I have heard it taught that it was through the Holy Spirit that our modern new testament came to be as it is today. I agree with this teaching but it is important to remember that it was the Holy Spirit working through the CHURCH. The interpretation of scripture is not to be decided by one man, but by the consensus of the church. In these points I have a lot in common with the Catholic Church. We are to trust Christ because the scriptures wrote about Christ. They point to him and tell us about him.
One thing I will say about Protestants is that they do an excellent job of boiling down the essentials of the faith. The reformation also carried the printing press forward with translations of the bible we can all read and enjoy. I probably never would've had an interest in the faith if it weren't for my dad. He is the spiritual head of my family. He is very wise and educated. We disagree a lot on certain points of theology but I will always give respect and weight to his opinions. He actually had a starting influence on my theology. He was the one who taught me to consider all the angles before making a decision and that is exactly what I practice. For those who remain in the evangelical tradition I again say I still and always will consider you my brothers and sisters in Christ. I do not believe you are heretics. Liturgy suits me because I do not like change and I need discipline. Spontaneity suits some people better because they get more meaning out of it. Liturgy is what I have always been looking for. I have found Orthodoxy as a tradition that is much better suited to meet my spiritual and emotional needs. I crave the mystical supper of our Lord. I seek a deeper connection to Christ and I believe I have found that in Orthodoxy. Our faith may take us across traditions. Some will be led to the Reformation, some to Rome and others to Constantinople. God knows each of us is different and we all come from different walks of life and struggles. His Grace is bigger than any single denomination. Orthodoxy is not perfect. Like any denomination it has its fights and bitter quarrels. I am continually amazed with God's mercy, love and care. God may not always have given me what I wanted but He does provide for my needs. I had been feeling the intense pain of suicidal depression and I constantly worry about the future such as how am I going to provide for myself? Will I ever find someone to love and take care of me? Am I always alone? The biggest question for me was this: How will I physically survive my next intense suicidal depression? God points me to the liturgy and answers my fears of change. "I am Unchanging. Do not be afraid."
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