Pushing Forward

     Depression has been bad lately but I can honestly say I have a solid game plan to meet it head on. The good thing about feeling the same crappy feelings and emotions over and over again is that you learn how to cope with it and even experiment with different coping mechanisms. This is why I am thankful for Eastern  Orthodoxy and other liturgical traditions.
      A big reason why I am switching traditions is in fact depression. I do not find sufficient answers and practices within Protestantism to address those who are clinically or suicidal depressed. Now this is my own experience. There are plenty of Christians within the Protestant tradition that are able to cope with depression without switching traditions. My experience was constantly being told to 'give it over to God' or 'pray about it'. These are not sufficient answers for me nor are they sufficient answers for anyone suffering from depression. God has given us each other as coping mechanisms and He has also given us the capacity to seek help He has already provided within medicine and psychology. If you were sick then you would go to a doctor. Same for depression. This is one aspect and another aspect is the church interacting with the depressed individual. There is definitely a spiritual aspect to depression that simply must be addressed.
    In many ways, depression is a core reason for me rejecting Calvinistic Predestination. For me, just accepting that God controlled my fate no matter what I did was extremely depressing and frustrating. Not only this, but I could never ever reconcile this within the bible. Sure, there are verses supporting predestination but there are many, many verses also blowing it out of the water. C. S. Lewis also influenced my thinking in this. He suggests that Hell is locked from the inside. God does not force you to go to Hell. Rather, You choose to go there based on your life choices and your rejection of God's gift of eternal life with Him. The Priests at my parish also transformed my thinking on the role of the church and God. We get help from God and meet Him in worship by freely cooperating with Him. The Holy Mysteries (Sacraments) are God's gift to the church. They provide us with an encounter with the Holy and God heals us. Based on what sins and/or hardships you are dealing with in life, the Priest gives you advice and certain prayers to meditate on. I read a few interesting articles about depression within various Christian traditions. The articles conclude that liturgical traditions within Protestantism, Catholicism and Orthodoxy are much more effective at dealing with depression and grief than non liturgical traditions. Part of the reason is because since liturgical traditions are more or less set, it forces you to focus on prescribed prayers and turns your attention towards God.
      Spontaneity is important as well and this is where Evangelicalism has its strength. Protestants do a very good job of emphasizing sincere and honest prayer towards God and this has had a positive effect within Catholicism and Orthodoxy. I personally mix set prayers as well as spontaneous. Another positive effect I've seen within Evangelicalism is their emphasis of the importance of Scripture. I see this carried over in my parish and it makes sense since 90% of the Parishioners are Protestant converts.
      The ultimate deciding factor for me switching to Orthodoxy is my experience of God in my late teens and early 20s. I always felt that God was intangible, distant and that my faith was purely intellectual and in my head. This is not the faith that I want. I want a God that I can interact with and touch in worship. The Mysteries let me do that. I want a God that meets me in my weakness and heals me. I want a life of prayer where I am in constant communion with God. And lastly, I want the discipline in my life to keep working out my salvation with fear and trembling. Orthodoxy is my home. It allows me to connect with the New Testament church and it gives me the Church itself as a support system. I want help in my walk with God and I want to help others with this as well. That is what the church is for. It is a hospital for sick people.
     Depression makes me realize how broken and sinful I am. Something I have been taking very seriously is Christ's commands on worry and anxiety. '...Therefore do not worry about your life....Do not worry about your body.' Anxiety and worry are my worst enemies. They eat me alive in the worst times of life. I'm starting to realize what it actually means to lay my worry and anxieties at His feet. I used to think that just praying once was enough but I have to get up and carry my cross daily. This is what it means to cooperate with God. The partnership is not 50/50. God does most of the work. If you want a tan, you need to go outside. The sun does most of the work.  I cannot and will not live a life imprisoned to fear and anxiety. I do not expect my fear and anxiety to go away overnight either. I must pray daily and endure.