Becoming Orthodox

    I have begun the process of becoming Orthodox. The classes begin September 23rd and run for nine weeks. Then there is a break and then I am to be christened and take my first Eucharist on Pascha (Easter) next year. It does seem like a lot involved but it makes sense. Being educated in the theology and ceremonies is definitely something I applaud and something I am looking forward to.
    I have hungered for a deeper and more meaningful relationship with Christ and I simply wasn't finding within the Protestant tradition. Protestants have their strength in spreading the gospel but I find the care for the individual believer within the church to be lacking. I need spiritual guidance and discipline. Many protestants get this guidance through someone who brought them to the faith or through a fellow believer.  This by God's grace is sufficient. However, I am very attracted to the idea of confession because the priest gives you guidance. Yes, many people feel uncomfortable confessing their sins to another person in the sight of God but is this not what the bible commands us to do? Confessing before God alone is a legitimate practice as well but I feel like this is half of the commandment. I need to know why what I am confessing is sin, how to identify these areas in my life, and, with the help of the Holy Spirit, correct them.
    Ever since I left high school 8 years ago, I lost my routine, my discipline and my church. For a very long time, my faith was based on reason and intellect. I knew what I believed and how to defend it but it wasn't deepening my relationship with God. There was no mystery or sacramental experience and I had a very individualistic faith. It was 'Jesus and I'. I thought I didn't need a church. Because if it's all about you and God then what need is there for the body of Christ? My heavy research into the early church shocked me and challenged my traditionally held views. I was shocked to learn that the Eucharist was always celebrated as a central part of worship. Not only that, but it was always viewed as, in a mystery, becoming the body and blood of Christ. I was always taught that it was merely symbolic and a memorial. Another thing I was shocked to learn is that the church was always liturgical. Even the Old Testament Jews were liturgical so since Christianity came out of Judaism, should this really have surprised me? The last thing that baffled me was Holy Tradition. It was spoken of universally in the early church. I in good conscience can't ignore this. Tradition is frowned upon in Evangelicalism.
       I am convinced that Depression is what kept me from falling away from the Faith because I was forced to choose between depending on myself and abiding in Christ. All I know is that I cannot live my life with Christ. There are still so many things I must learn. I can be very stubborn and prideful and anxiety is a huge issue in my life. Almost to the point where it takes over. This is the current focus for me right now. My favorite Orthodox prayer is the Jesus Prayer: 'Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner and save me.' It is a very powerful and biblical prayer. One that has become the first thing I say in every prayer. I will continue to work out my salvation with fear and trembling as best as I can