What Fuels Depression?

    So what does fuel depression? It greatly varies from person to person. Other things may come up as a result of depression. A lot of times, pinpointing your own personal issues can be hard because there are layers upon layers of complicated feelings and emotions. Something as simple as the loss of a job can serve for fueling depression. Or it can be something extremely personal from your past. A past event of my life is one of the big things that keeps fueling my depression. It has caused extreme emotional trauma and anger. I realize that my anger has been warped into hatred. I hold an extreme and personal hatred for something that our culture is responsible for. I will not state specifically what it is on here because it's too personal and difficult for me. If you are curious then you may message me. It's been hounding me for eleven years and I pray to God for peace but I have found none. It makes me extremely anxious and uncomfortable when the subject comes up. As a result, I have formed a deep mistrust of those responsible. It is physically and emotionally draining. It's as if my mind is hooked on it. I hate thinking about it but I can't escape it. It disgusts me. I am actively working on resolving this so I can find peace. My mind has been in endless turmoil for eleven years.
    Loneliness is another big thing that fuels my depression. I have attempted to end my life multiple times in the past because of it. I try not to think about it because it brings me to my knees and I know that Satan can easily use this against me. My mindset has been something like this for a very long time: 'I would rather die than be single'. I don't have an answer for this statement so I bury it deep within my subconscious. I gave up hope in this area early this year. I let hope die because nothing has happened to indicate that I do have hope. I have stopped looking for a possible mate because I no longer believe there is anyone for me. I'm just speechless when it comes to this area of my life. It's barren and dead and that has a huge affect on my outlook on life. I often avoid dissecting this area of my life because I am afraid what I will find but I must let it out because if I hold it in, then it will make me sick. It's an absence of intimacy and it feels like.... It's hard to describe. Just a deadness in my heart. I simply haven't been able to find happiness. Sure there's occasional satisfaction but in my mind, I know it will not last. I have no further words