As time passed and as I had more and more psychologist sessions, I got to the point where each day was becoming a little more bearable. I was taught multiple coping techniques; some of which helped, and others that didn't. Deep breathing helps to lower my blood pressure and slow my heart down. But usually it's temporary. To stop me from dwelling on all of my negative and suicidal thoughts, I would take a walk around our trail and I would blast the music as loud as I can to shut any thoughts out. That was probably my best and most favorite coping mechanism. My appetite slowly came back and things that I usually did for leisure were also satisfying again.
I always had an overwhelming urge to be by myself and cut myself off from anything social or any people including my family. I took all my meals upstairs and depression still had it's occasional spikes so I would just sit in my chair and just stair straight ahead for several hours at a time. I felt so lonely but at the same time I couldn't stand for people to see me this way so I hid from the world
During a session, My psychologist gave me an idea of reaching out to as many friends and acquaintances as possible. I found this idea very appealing because I saw it as a way to rekindle my social life. And it worked. I found that many of my friends actually did care and that they wanted to see me. This made me feel loved so I scheduled a bunch of different times where I could hang out with my friends. This was also good for my depression because it kept me busy and it kept my mind off my troubles for a time and it also gave me something to look forward to.
My psychologist warned me that this is just a temporary solution but it will give me some time to recover. He was definitely correct that it was temporary. As may came, I finished my class in college. After that the class was done, Depression hit me hard. Really hard. The weight of 2 suicide attempts and my feelings of loneliness completely caught me off guard out of no where. I was thinking, 'This is a vicious cycle that I can't seem to break. I'm really in a lot of pain and I hate being single.'
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