Depression has a heavy influence on my faith. I wouldn't call it the driving force nor would I call this a bad thing. If anything, if it wasn't for my depression, my faith would never have flourished. However, I tend to lean towards theologies that have a better answer on how to deal with depression. I have asked a few evangelical pastors if they have on-campus counseling for depression or if they themselves have had any experience with depressed individuals in their congregations. Each answer was a resounding no and they also told me they don't know how to deal with it. This shocked me and this is also a big reason why I search elsewhere within the christian faith for answers. More specifically, I search the Eastern Orthodox faith and certain parts of Catholicism.
No, I am in no way leaving Protestantism but I am adding certain parts from Catholicism and Eastern Orthodoxy to my own life. I have been warming up to using icons in my prayer life and I have extensively studied the theology surrounding them and a defense for using them. I also have been using prayers from patron saints of depression and anxiety and this has been a source of tremendous comfort for me. I am in the process of constructing a prayer corner that has heavy Eastern Orthodox influences as well as a bit of Catholicism as well. I am aware that many of my protestant friends would raise objections concerning these kind of practices but my response is this. Do your research. Read the history of the church, both west AND east. Look for defenses from scripture. Look at the arguments from our catholic and eastern orthodox brethren. Why do we need to be so persnickety about things that have little to no bearing on things concerning salvation? If this helps your walk with the Lord, then why not do it? I have butted heads with some of my immediate family members over these issues but I am not going to question their salvation. Nor should they question mine. This is where my journey has lead me so far.
Severe depression still hits me in waves. I must learn how to handle it. My prayer life has been so sporadic and irregular because I literally don't know what to pray. Prescribed prayers from the two aforementioned traditions have helped me tremendously. I understand the dangers of this becoming a ritual where I just do it robotically but this can be avoided by regularly reading the scriptures and truly reflecting on the meaning of the prayers. Even the Lord's prayer is a prescribed prayer. Reflecting on the lives of the saints has also been a big help to me. Christians who have gone before us who have had depression such as Bunyan and Cowper is eye opening.
I try my hardest to attend church but it's become such a problem for me because I am severely introverted and I get easily overwhelmed by crowds. I force myself to go and this is a big struggle for me because I feel torn in two directions. I want to be around people but I also want to be alone. When I'm alone for too long, I start getting severely depressed. Same with the other way around. It's also a big help due to me having a christian therapist.
Another development is my going to small groups every week. It helps me to detox from the week and also to hang out with people my age who are godly. Community is becoming more and more important to me and it is for this that I am willing to force myself to break my isolation. God has not always provided me with what I want but He definitely provides for my needs and I am always thankful for these things. 25 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?" And with that quotation from scripture I shall end this post
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