As 2016 started, my depression slowly climbed until Valentines, where it all hit the fan. I was having breakdowns daily following up to that day. Intense loneliness and suicidal thoughts; the likes of which I hadn't experienced for years. I knew something needed to change. I had been getting increasingly angry at God and extremely jealous of anyone in a relationship. I had even been considering withdrawing form church completely and permanently due to the isolation I felt. But I realized that that is not the answer. God never called us to a life of isolation regardless of our status or position. The answer is to wipe your eyes, move forward and get involved and active in any way you can. Things won't change when you sit around and wait for them to happen. God can show you the way but it is you who must take the journey.
I think it is time for me to forget my past regrets and start a new chapter. I am going to get more involved in church and I plan to finally become a member. I fully expect to continue my struggle with depression but as painful as it is, it is absolutely necessary. Jesus never promised us a life of comfort but one of struggle and pain. Depression is what has made me closer to God and I wouldn't change it for the world.
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