Christ will always be at the center of my faith. A personal relationship with God is imperative but not at the expense of isolating one's self from the community and the body of Christ. We are social creatures and God made us that way for a reason. I knew this intellectually but I never put it into practice until the past few months. When one accepts that worshiping together with other believers is imperative to our spiritual health and walk with God, then one starts to understand the significance of communion and Baptism. I grew up thinking and believing that communion is purely symbolic and that nothing happens. Sure, we still take it because it's a command of Christ, but why does he command us to do so? John 6 is a great explanation for this. Also, what struck me as I studies the sacraments was what Paul warns of in 1 Corinthians 11:29-31. Taking the Eucharist in an unworthy manner led some Corinthians to become sick and die. This to me clearly indicates that the Eucharist is more than merely symbolic. Sacramentum means to make holy. A sacrament is where holiness meets the natural world. Jesus Christ himself is a sacrament and the ultimate sacrament. The Eucharist is God's gift to the church. We partake of an intimate communion with our savior and this is something I crave.
I do not mean to suggest that the Eucharist is the only means of salvation or that the sacraments in and of themselves save us. They do not. Even prayer is a sacrament. Through prayer, we boldly approach the throne of God and make our requests and petitions. I grew up making spontaneous prayers. I looked on scripted prayers with suspicion because I saw them as insincere and ritualistic. Depression blew this concept out of the water. Scripted prayers can become rote but there is a beauty and sincerity to them that can't be ignored. I become so depressed at times that words do not come to my mind. Just tears. This is where prayer books, the Lord's prayer, the Sinner's prayer, the Jesus prayer and the psalms completely changed all that. They spoke what was on my heart and it put a shot in the arm in my prayer life. It gives me discipline and structure, something that is sorely needed in my life. I have Aspergers (although very mild) and ADD and I have come to believe that this is where God has led me. He has provided for my needs and my personality.
I still have not decided if I want to commit to a liturgical church or not. I may decide to stay within Evangelicalism with some major modifications. My prayer life is liturgical and I intend to take communion in a liturgical and sacramental way as well. I have set up an Orthodox prayer corner with visuals, or icons. (side note: icons are NOT prayed to. They are prayer aides). The current church I go to is Calvary. It is a wonderful church with wonderful godly people and I have made many friends there. My small group is very important to me as they are my friends and brothers and sisters in Christ. They are fairly open minded when it comes to other christian traditions. Something that is pleasing for me to see within Evangelicalism is its dialogue with other traditions and its increasing awareness of how extreme individualism is damaging. It isolates us from the other members within the body of Christ. This isn't just Evangelicalism either. Many traditions have been influenced by our culture of individualism. Individualism is a good thing. But extreme individualism does not meet the needs of others in a community. Evangelicalism has it's strength in spreading the gospel and equipping others to spread the gospel. This tradition is also learning to build lasting connections and a strong community; including reaching out to other christian traditions who are also part of the body of Christ. I tend to look at Calvary with respect and praise because of the positive connections it has made with other communities.
I believe that I will be dealing with depression for the rest of my life. Maybe not at the same severity at a constant level, but depression will be there nonetheless. God is slowly but surely equipping me with the tools and habits I need to cope with depression. I still pray spontaneously but I pepper my prayers with scripture and scripted prayers as well. The communion of the saints has been a balm for my wounds. Knowing that the body of Christ encompasses those on heaven and on earth is very comforting. My aunt, whom I have great respect for, has said that we don't pray TO the saints but ask them to pray for us much like we would ask a friend to pray for us. 'The prayer of a righteous person bears much fruit.' Many of my protestant friends wouldn't agree with this but that is okay. If that doesn't help your walk with God then I wouldn't force that on you. Each one of us is different and God brings us through different paths and different trials. Sometimes those paths will take us across denominational lines. I will NEVER abandon Christ nor my faith. This is where God has led me. Where He leads me next is a great adventure. It may be filled with pain and suffering but there will be growth and joy as well. Glory to God in all things!
Thursday, July 27, 2017
Sunday, July 16, 2017
Continuing In The Faith
I grew up in Protestantism. It has no doubt influenced me and it is through Protestantism and more specifically in evangelicalism that I came to know Christ. However, since I began researching early church history and church history in general, Eastern Orthodoxy has grabbed my attention and heavily influenced me. When westerners view eastern orthodoxy, they are quick to point out that it is mystical. But otherwise they know little to nothing about it. For example, did you know that for the first 1000 to 1200 years of the church, that eastern orthodoxy and Catholicism were united and in communion with one another? Like Roman Catholicism, they can trace their roots back to the first churches planted by the apostles.
As western Christians and the western world in general, we tend to use rationalism as the final and sole arbiter of truth. I have come to the conclusion that we should use our reason and rationalism, but when we try to search the mysteries of God, we will hit a road block. This is the view of Eastern Orthodoxy. There are doctrines in our faith that we as finite humans will not be able to fully reason out. doctrines such as the trinity and the fact that Christ is 100% God and 100% man. We need to learn to be okay with these unexplained gray areas.
In my journey, I feel God pushing me to liturgical worship. As I examine myself and ask why this is, I come up with a few speculations. For those of you who know me, I am extremely resistant to change and routine. Also, my life is extremely unorganized with no discipline, as my parents can attest to very well. Ever since I've been modeling my prayer life off of the church calendar and have been adopting Eastern Orthodox prayer practices, My life has completely changed. It has put an adrenaline shot into my prayer life. For the first time in my life, I actually feel joy as I feel connected to God and the body of Christ as never before.
For the past few years I have been slowly but surely pulling away from evangelicalism. The reasons for this are many but are way too many for this post so I will list the top 3. The first and foremost is because of my chronic severe depression. As I have talked to a few evangelical pastors and leaders and asked them how they deal with members who have depression, they have either told me that they have no sufficient answers or that their church is not equipped to deal with that. I was rather baffled due to there being statistics of rampant depression and suicide rates in the states and Colorado being among the highest ranked.
Reason number two is because of Tradition. While Tradition isn't as authoritative as the bible and isn't necessary for salvation, I strongly believe it should be given weight and considered. The official general teaching in Protestantism about Tradition is that it is valuable but not on the same level as scripture. This is not what I see in much of evangelicalism. My experience is that I see Tradition laughed off, disregarded and treated as irrelevant. This is a very American and modern view and I think Martin Luther would roll over in his grave at hearing this. Tradition does not take away from Christianity nor does it take away glory from God. It enriches it!
And finally reason number three is the disconnect I see when I compare Jesus and the early church fathers in their context when compared to today. The worship is completely different. Worship has always been liturgical. While I wouldn't be dogmatic and say it's the only way, there is much beauty in liturgical worship and it truly is focused on glorifying God. I attended Divine Liturgy at Saint Luke's today and for the first time ever, I sang. Sang! I never sing! Liturgical worship has directed my ADD mind to praise God.
I have been giving serious thought and prayer to switching traditions. I haven't made a final decision because I want to compare doctrines and continue researching the early church. Don't get me wrong, Evangelicalism has many positive attributes. It is how I came to a saving faith and I will continue to have faith in Christ as my savior all of my days. Whether you are a believer in the Protestant or Catholic tradition, I still consider you a brother/sister in Christ. I am convinced that God is pulling my heart this way. In whatever I decide, I am not deciding without much research and especially prayer. In fact, the vast majority of my free time is currently dedicated to prayer, research and study of whether I want to join the Eastern Orthodox tradition or not. As a lover of history, I feel most connected to the church and God when I am immersed in it. I am fully aware of many of the doctrines and practices that most protestants would object to such as communion of the saints, The sacraments, icons, Apostolic Succession and the ecumenical councils. My challenge to those of you who object to these would be this: Research it. Not just what you are taught but arguments from the other side and the scriptural basis for these doctrines. these doctrines have been around for much longer than Protestantism has even existed. You don't have to believe in these. Just consider both sides of the argument. That goes for any topic really. Not just faith. I would like to close with this verse in favor of ecumenism My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21 that all of them may be one,Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. 22 I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— 23 I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.
-John 17:20-23
As western Christians and the western world in general, we tend to use rationalism as the final and sole arbiter of truth. I have come to the conclusion that we should use our reason and rationalism, but when we try to search the mysteries of God, we will hit a road block. This is the view of Eastern Orthodoxy. There are doctrines in our faith that we as finite humans will not be able to fully reason out. doctrines such as the trinity and the fact that Christ is 100% God and 100% man. We need to learn to be okay with these unexplained gray areas.
In my journey, I feel God pushing me to liturgical worship. As I examine myself and ask why this is, I come up with a few speculations. For those of you who know me, I am extremely resistant to change and routine. Also, my life is extremely unorganized with no discipline, as my parents can attest to very well. Ever since I've been modeling my prayer life off of the church calendar and have been adopting Eastern Orthodox prayer practices, My life has completely changed. It has put an adrenaline shot into my prayer life. For the first time in my life, I actually feel joy as I feel connected to God and the body of Christ as never before.
For the past few years I have been slowly but surely pulling away from evangelicalism. The reasons for this are many but are way too many for this post so I will list the top 3. The first and foremost is because of my chronic severe depression. As I have talked to a few evangelical pastors and leaders and asked them how they deal with members who have depression, they have either told me that they have no sufficient answers or that their church is not equipped to deal with that. I was rather baffled due to there being statistics of rampant depression and suicide rates in the states and Colorado being among the highest ranked.
Reason number two is because of Tradition. While Tradition isn't as authoritative as the bible and isn't necessary for salvation, I strongly believe it should be given weight and considered. The official general teaching in Protestantism about Tradition is that it is valuable but not on the same level as scripture. This is not what I see in much of evangelicalism. My experience is that I see Tradition laughed off, disregarded and treated as irrelevant. This is a very American and modern view and I think Martin Luther would roll over in his grave at hearing this. Tradition does not take away from Christianity nor does it take away glory from God. It enriches it!
And finally reason number three is the disconnect I see when I compare Jesus and the early church fathers in their context when compared to today. The worship is completely different. Worship has always been liturgical. While I wouldn't be dogmatic and say it's the only way, there is much beauty in liturgical worship and it truly is focused on glorifying God. I attended Divine Liturgy at Saint Luke's today and for the first time ever, I sang. Sang! I never sing! Liturgical worship has directed my ADD mind to praise God.
I have been giving serious thought and prayer to switching traditions. I haven't made a final decision because I want to compare doctrines and continue researching the early church. Don't get me wrong, Evangelicalism has many positive attributes. It is how I came to a saving faith and I will continue to have faith in Christ as my savior all of my days. Whether you are a believer in the Protestant or Catholic tradition, I still consider you a brother/sister in Christ. I am convinced that God is pulling my heart this way. In whatever I decide, I am not deciding without much research and especially prayer. In fact, the vast majority of my free time is currently dedicated to prayer, research and study of whether I want to join the Eastern Orthodox tradition or not. As a lover of history, I feel most connected to the church and God when I am immersed in it. I am fully aware of many of the doctrines and practices that most protestants would object to such as communion of the saints, The sacraments, icons, Apostolic Succession and the ecumenical councils. My challenge to those of you who object to these would be this: Research it. Not just what you are taught but arguments from the other side and the scriptural basis for these doctrines. these doctrines have been around for much longer than Protestantism has even existed. You don't have to believe in these. Just consider both sides of the argument. That goes for any topic really. Not just faith. I would like to close with this verse in favor of ecumenism My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21 that all of them may be one,Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. 22 I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— 23 I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.
-John 17:20-23
Sunday, July 9, 2017
An Update
Depression has a heavy influence on my faith. I wouldn't call it the driving force nor would I call this a bad thing. If anything, if it wasn't for my depression, my faith would never have flourished. However, I tend to lean towards theologies that have a better answer on how to deal with depression. I have asked a few evangelical pastors if they have on-campus counseling for depression or if they themselves have had any experience with depressed individuals in their congregations. Each answer was a resounding no and they also told me they don't know how to deal with it. This shocked me and this is also a big reason why I search elsewhere within the christian faith for answers. More specifically, I search the Eastern Orthodox faith and certain parts of Catholicism.
No, I am in no way leaving Protestantism but I am adding certain parts from Catholicism and Eastern Orthodoxy to my own life. I have been warming up to using icons in my prayer life and I have extensively studied the theology surrounding them and a defense for using them. I also have been using prayers from patron saints of depression and anxiety and this has been a source of tremendous comfort for me. I am in the process of constructing a prayer corner that has heavy Eastern Orthodox influences as well as a bit of Catholicism as well. I am aware that many of my protestant friends would raise objections concerning these kind of practices but my response is this. Do your research. Read the history of the church, both west AND east. Look for defenses from scripture. Look at the arguments from our catholic and eastern orthodox brethren. Why do we need to be so persnickety about things that have little to no bearing on things concerning salvation? If this helps your walk with the Lord, then why not do it? I have butted heads with some of my immediate family members over these issues but I am not going to question their salvation. Nor should they question mine. This is where my journey has lead me so far.
Severe depression still hits me in waves. I must learn how to handle it. My prayer life has been so sporadic and irregular because I literally don't know what to pray. Prescribed prayers from the two aforementioned traditions have helped me tremendously. I understand the dangers of this becoming a ritual where I just do it robotically but this can be avoided by regularly reading the scriptures and truly reflecting on the meaning of the prayers. Even the Lord's prayer is a prescribed prayer. Reflecting on the lives of the saints has also been a big help to me. Christians who have gone before us who have had depression such as Bunyan and Cowper is eye opening.
I try my hardest to attend church but it's become such a problem for me because I am severely introverted and I get easily overwhelmed by crowds. I force myself to go and this is a big struggle for me because I feel torn in two directions. I want to be around people but I also want to be alone. When I'm alone for too long, I start getting severely depressed. Same with the other way around. It's also a big help due to me having a christian therapist.
Another development is my going to small groups every week. It helps me to detox from the week and also to hang out with people my age who are godly. Community is becoming more and more important to me and it is for this that I am willing to force myself to break my isolation. God has not always provided me with what I want but He definitely provides for my needs and I am always thankful for these things. 25 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?" And with that quotation from scripture I shall end this post
No, I am in no way leaving Protestantism but I am adding certain parts from Catholicism and Eastern Orthodoxy to my own life. I have been warming up to using icons in my prayer life and I have extensively studied the theology surrounding them and a defense for using them. I also have been using prayers from patron saints of depression and anxiety and this has been a source of tremendous comfort for me. I am in the process of constructing a prayer corner that has heavy Eastern Orthodox influences as well as a bit of Catholicism as well. I am aware that many of my protestant friends would raise objections concerning these kind of practices but my response is this. Do your research. Read the history of the church, both west AND east. Look for defenses from scripture. Look at the arguments from our catholic and eastern orthodox brethren. Why do we need to be so persnickety about things that have little to no bearing on things concerning salvation? If this helps your walk with the Lord, then why not do it? I have butted heads with some of my immediate family members over these issues but I am not going to question their salvation. Nor should they question mine. This is where my journey has lead me so far.
Severe depression still hits me in waves. I must learn how to handle it. My prayer life has been so sporadic and irregular because I literally don't know what to pray. Prescribed prayers from the two aforementioned traditions have helped me tremendously. I understand the dangers of this becoming a ritual where I just do it robotically but this can be avoided by regularly reading the scriptures and truly reflecting on the meaning of the prayers. Even the Lord's prayer is a prescribed prayer. Reflecting on the lives of the saints has also been a big help to me. Christians who have gone before us who have had depression such as Bunyan and Cowper is eye opening.
I try my hardest to attend church but it's become such a problem for me because I am severely introverted and I get easily overwhelmed by crowds. I force myself to go and this is a big struggle for me because I feel torn in two directions. I want to be around people but I also want to be alone. When I'm alone for too long, I start getting severely depressed. Same with the other way around. It's also a big help due to me having a christian therapist.
Another development is my going to small groups every week. It helps me to detox from the week and also to hang out with people my age who are godly. Community is becoming more and more important to me and it is for this that I am willing to force myself to break my isolation. God has not always provided me with what I want but He definitely provides for my needs and I am always thankful for these things. 25 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?" And with that quotation from scripture I shall end this post
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