Change is something I struggle greatly with. Even if it's something as simple as getting a new job. Luckily, the Lord has blessed me with a full time job. I just put in my two weeks at my other job today. I look forward to the new challenges but I am paralyzed by such dark depression. Loneliness as a feeling has gotten so intense that it terrifies me. Almost to tears. I don't ask anyone about their life anymore because when they bring up their boyfriend/girlfriend, it makes me really self conscious and extremely uncomfortable. I often retreat emotionally and socially (especially) to escape the pain but of course it doesn't go away. It's hard for me to make friends as well because I no longer trust people as a rule. They usually stop contacting me for no apparent reason
Despite all this, the one thing I have left that I value is Jesus so I am forced to trust him. It's definitely not easy because I am not accustomed to waiting or being patient. It makes me want to kick the wall and scream but that's when you have to force yourself to be in God's word. Just praying for friendships and someone who cares for me.
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