Many people don"t understand self injury such as cutting and it is not often enough addressed in our society so I feel it is necessary to touch on the subject. In truth, I never understood any of self injury, much less why someone would do such a thing to themselves until I slipped into a deep clinical depression. The two types of self injury I have a connection with are cutting and attempted suicide.
Why would someone harm themselves by cutting? What prompts someone to do such a thing? Depression is hatred towards the self. I hated myself for a very long time. I had so many feelings bottled up inside that I had no idea how to express them so I started to slash my arms with a knife. It was a release for me and I got some sort of strange sadistic pleasure from it. It was an outlet for all my feelings of loneliness. It helped for a while but it's a only a temporary relief. I usually felt disgusted with myself afterwards. It only increased my self loathing. I eventually wore long sleeve shirts to hide my arms. I still bear the scars today. It becomes dangerously addictive after a while.
I eventually started to plan out suicide. I will not go into detail about any plans but suffice to say that they were all violent and only involved harming myself and not others. Self injury is a serious issue and it's not something one can overcome by sheer will. Nor can clinical depression be overcome by sheer will. Anyone who tells you otherwise either doesn't know what they are talking about or they are lying to you. You need to get help if you feel this way. Nobody will think you are crazy and I know it's scary but it is definitely possible to beat this. You need to find a reason to live. God speaks to us loudest when we are suffering and in pain
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