The Dark Days

     There have been many happenings this past week that are very significant for me. They have really changed the course of my depression. Unfortunately it has been for the worse. I won't explain the events due to it being personal but suffice to say it has made me feel extremely lonely. To the point where I feel as if I am going to have a panic attack. Loneliness is a weird thing. When it's intense, you desire to have someone but at the same time you don't want to be near anybody because you don't want them to see or think that you're lonely. Everything around you is just deafening silence. I'm on the verge of giving up everything. I don't talk to God anymore because I feel He doesn't help me and it's taking way too long for me to find somebody and no matter how hard I try, I get rejected. I'm angry at God for that. I'm done waiting I just don't have anything to say to Him. The pain's too deep and the depression is too strong for me to have hope. It feels like I've been dragging a boulder behind me for years. No progress on the relationship front and I just don't see any hope or happiness. Just pain and tears