Depression is one of those things that doesn't go away overnight. There are bad days and there are okay days. Today I am feeling okay but I am definitely having tension headaches from depression. I feel stretched thin and exhausted. Something that helps me with depression is hanging out with friends and to keep focused on that. I guess I feel rather lonely because my brother has a girlfriend and now I'm the only single person in my family. I try to keep away from my house as long as possible because of that. I don't really find anything in my room or any of my possessions entertaining. I see them as stalling tactics to keep depression at bay. It is a constant battle.
Another thing that has helped my depression is studying the bible and strengthening my relationship with Jesus. He's the only one who can offer true, meaningful, and eternal comfort. I try not to share my feelings or worries with any of my friends anymore because they get frustrated and angry. That makes me feel isolated even further. My true friends are the ones who have cared for me in the good times and the bad. Instead of worrying about the future and dwelling on my intense loneliness and deep desire for a relationship, I've shifted my focus to depending on God and trusting that He has a plan for me. My parents are constantly hounding me to go to college. What they don't understand is that my most difficult times were in school. Not because of me being socially introverted but because I have extreme difficulty in learning. It's actually made me hate school and learning. I honestly feel that God is telling me that college isn't the path for me. I am okay with that. I don't need education to make me feel secure and smart. I have talents that you can't learn in school. I feel God has blessed me with caring for hurting people and other spiritual talents. I am honestly okay with having to get by financially on a full time job. I don't need the luxury of a degree. I can make a difference right here, right now. I just need to keep listening to God and to keep growing.
My fight with depression is far from over. I'm okay with that. In the long run, it's God's way of helping me grow and maybe it's one of the few ways I'll listen to Him. If I have to go through this for the rest of my life, then so be it. It's a small price to pay. I'd rather be in pain and learn from God than to go through life ignorant and not knowing Him at all. I shall wait patiently and see what He has in store for me. There is no need to fear the future
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