Silence

One of the worst things about depression is that you constantly feel alone and everything seems quieter as you constantly battle your negative thoughts. I have prayed so many times for peace and and freedom from the throes of depression but recently all I've been receiving is silence. Or so I think. I don't know what it is at this point. Maybe my anger and resentment has deafened me spiritually. It's scary to feel cut off from God. I haven't prayed for 2 weeks now for the sole reason that I don't even know what to pray anymore. It is clear to me that my depression will not end soon. My therapist has some homework for me to do. He wants me to write a note about what makes me so sad, angry, and resentful and then seal it in a jar and toss it into a river. It's supposed to be a symbolic emotional release and a start on the road down towards forgiveness. I consider myself very forgiving but there are some things I find extremely hard to forgive. I know I must forgive because I'm not only hurting those around me but I'm also hurting myself. And yet I find it very hurtful and insulting to me. Forgiveness to me is an interesting thing. It goes against all logic and against our sinful nature as human beings and yet it is a great gift you can give someone. Like the gift Jesus gave to humanity.