Musings On Heaven And Hell

   Depression forces you to look at yourself spiritually. It forces you to ask the big questions like 'Is there an afterlife? Is this really all there is?'  I believe there definitely is an afterlife and where you go depends on your choices in this life. Heaven or Hell

     I will start by discussing Hell so that way I can end this post with a positive note. Many of my friends who aren't christian always ask me something like this: 'Why would a loving God send people to hell?' First of all, God is definitely the very definition of love but He is not blind to disobedience and outright rebellion. If God didn't love us then he would never have sent His son to die in place of our sins. Hell was intended for Satan and his angels but The Fall changed that. 2 Peter 2:4 "For if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but cast them into hell and committed them to chains of gloomy darkness to be kept until the judgment;"  The bible describes what kind of people are in hell:
    Revelation 21:8 "But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars--they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death."  Instead of seeing God putting people in hell think of it like this; It is your choice whether you go to heaven or hell. You can either reject God's free gift of eternal life or you can accept it. I believe that if people in hell were allowed a chance to get into heaven, they wouldn't take it because that is what they chose and they want nothing to do with God. That is very sad when you think about it. Hell will be a place without hope and love. Worst of all will be the eternal absence of the presence of God. That is truly the death of hope. Hell is a physical place where people will experience physical, emotional and spiritual pain. I believe one of the painful realizations of hell will be that if you go there, you will be haunted by the fact that either by ignorance or by choice had rejected God's gift of eternity. So He will create a place for what you have chosen in life.

     Now that all that gloominess is out of the way, lets discuss heaven. Contrary to popular belief, you cannot earn  your way into heaven. It is by faith in Christ and not by works of your own hands that get you into heaven. Heaven will be a place of joy and loving. Best of all, you will be in the unspeakable presence of the Lord. This is what keeps me going through depression.

         John 14:2-4 "In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you.  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going." I love how Jesus speaks with such certainty and authority. He is personally preparing a place for us in His father's house! I personally cannot wait to get to heaven. 

    Revelation 21:4-8 "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."  He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." It is truly wonderful to know that it will not be the work of some angel to wipe away your tears. It will be the Lord himself! Now keep in mind that this is from Revelation and even when we are in heaven, we will still have even more to look forward to. Jesus will return to earth and make everything new. Notice how He says new and not restored. I can only imagine what that means! Another thing that really excites me about heaven is getting a glorified body. This frail thing will pass away someday and I won't miss it because there are certain aspects of my body that give me great sadness. But I rejoice in knowing that this life is only temporary. The Lord has given me hope and I trust in His word. I hope you found this post to be inspiring and eye opening!

Beaten And Weary But Not Defeated

    This past month has been very dark. Mentally and spiritually. I've noticed my moods can take huge swings. The littlest things can set me off. Like seeing a picture or a status update on facebook. That can easily upset me. I can go from being suicidal to really excited and determined and it has often made me wonder if I have bipolar disorder. I can see how I would because I can go to the deepest darkest emotional pits but I also have my doubts about me having this disorder. I may have mood swings but I don't get SUPER happy, and I know that that's an important attribute for people with bipolar disorder.
     I came very close to completely losing my faith these past few weeks. I got so angry and distrustful of God that I stopped praying altogether and I completely ignored Him. I didn't have any confidence that He had my best interests at heart nor did I feel that He even cared. I have been feeling so lonely that I feel neglected and unloved. Cutting God out of my life made me feel truly alone. I will describe this to the best of my ability. It felt as if one of my senses had been completely cut off and that caused me to go into a sort of shock. Even at work, I just felt like a zombie. I just did my work and nothing else around me mattered. I had thought about praying again but in my head, I have a habit of predicting how conversations will go and I predicted that it would get me nowhere so I gave up on the notion. I do this with people too. Especially with people I'm angry with or have had a fight with. But the truth is, I really can't predict what people will say. People have surprised me with what they have had to say and I decided to give God another chance. I started out by asking for forgiveness because I know I had been extremely stubborn and prideful. I ended up just laying all my troubles at His feet and I felt that I had reconciled with God and once again, I felt like He would watch over and take care of me.
      I still have extreme episodes of loneliness. I'm frustrated that things aren't moving forward so I am taking slow but drastic steps to make a life and living. I am doing research on possible bible colleges/classes to take. I am hoping to make new friends and to find a girlfriend within the near future. I am sad, weary and exhausted but I am not defeated. I have faith that if I keep God close to me, then I can achieve anything!