I guess the best words to describe what I'm feeling now are lost and stuck. I feel like life has slowed to a screeching halt. It's hard for me to think when so many people around me are getting married and having babies. I've had this feeling of hurt so long that I'm numb to it. I have tried to shut out the pain with things like smoking or alcohol but those are only temporary solutions. I feel that all I can do is just let the pain wash over me and let it take it's course. I actually haven't been paying attention to what has been going on in other people's lives because I find it too painful when they mention their significant other. I have slowly cut off a lot of social connections in an effort to concentrate on just me but I have been slowly destroying myself. I'm at a point in depression where I feel that people no longer wish to hear anything from me so I retreat emotionally and in some cases, physically.
I no longer seek advice for depression. If somebody just gives me their advice without me prompting them, then I usually take it into consideration but I don't acknowledge it publicly. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. My therapist says that I've put up a mental block in order to prevent me from having to deal with constant depression so instead of it affecting me during the day, it attacks viciously at night. I have endless nightmares. All I know is that I need to find a solution
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