Five long years. Depression is still with me and it can be unbearable at times. A long time ago, I remember posting a quote saying that God will never give you more than you can handle. I no longer find this to be true. God will give you more than you can handle. He does this so that your whole world of self reliance comes crashing down and you are forced to choose between collapsing in on yourself like a dying star or collapsing and falling into Christ's arms. It doesn't matter what situation it is. I believe every human soul will face this situation at least once in their lifetime. As for me, I am still learning but I keep running the race and fighting the good fight no matter how many times I bite the dust or stumble. All I know is that I don't have the strength to go through life on my own so I learn to rely on Jesus
For me, depression forces me to stare into the face of everything I fear and everything that terrifies me: Being single, being alone, anger, change, the list goes on. Oftentimes, it's like staring into a black abyss that paralyzes me and makes my heart stop. And yet I still see God move in my life. He provides for my needs by taking me by the hand and saying, 'trust me'. When that moment happens, you need to stop thinking and just trust in Jesus. That is how I attained a dependable job. It was completely unknown to me and scared me because I am an introvert and don't meet new people willingly.
I find that I am able to serve the Lord best by aiding those closest to me. I feel I am closest to someone when I willingly share in their pain and am able to share the gospel with them. Jesus calls us to make disciples, not simply converts. That is my mission and my calling. I don't feel comfortable with just sharing the Gospel and moving on. There needs to be growth and encouragement and lifelong connections in which the foundation is love. That is something I never forgot which one of my old youth leaders Jack shared with me. I will be trying to write these more often just to get my thoughts out there and share my story
